14. 死去看羊仔 ê 絕望詩, 以及其他意外事件/ 14.1 Chrysostom ê 哀歌

14. Sí--khì khòaⁿ-iûⁿ-á ê choa̍t-bōng si, í-ki̍p kî-thaⁿ ì-gōa sū-kiāⁿ

14.1 Chrysostom ê ai-koa

Kì-jiân lí ê chân-jím ài-boeh

Lí he po̍k-lia̍t ê bô-chêng

Thoân-phiàn lâng-lâng, ta̍k só͘-chāi,

Tī che Tē-ga̍k góa tio̍h pek-sú

Phòa-chhùi ê sim-koaⁿ hoat-siaⁿ

Kóng-chhut thòng-khó͘ ê sim-siaⁿ.

Góa chīn-la̍t kóng-bêng it-chhè

Góa siū ê kan-khó͘, he sī lí só͘ chò,

Hoah-chhut khó-phà ê siaⁿ, liân-tài

Phòa-chhùi ê pak-lāi, kèng-ka thiàⁿ.

Thiaⁿ, che m̄-sī bí-miāu hô-siaⁿ,

Sī choa̍t-bōng kún-ká ê chhò-hīⁿ siaⁿ,

Chhut-chū thòng-khó͘ ê sim-koaⁿ, 

Án-ne an-ùi ka-tī, án-ne hō͘ lí thiaⁿ.

Sai ê háu-siaⁿ, iá-lông ê kho͘-siaⁿ,

To̍k-chôa ê khó-phà siù-siù siaⁿ,

Bô-miâ koài-bu̍t ê kiaⁿ-lâng khàu-siaⁿ,

O͘-a ê pháiⁿ kiat-tiāu thî-siaⁿ, hong kap

Bô-thêng hái-éng chhia-piàⁿ ê kīn-kōng kiò,

Tak-pāi gû-káng ê hùn-nō͘ siaⁿ,

Sit phōaⁿ pan-kah ê pi-ai thî-kiò,

Siū oàn-tò͘ niau-thâu chiáu ê pi-tiāu,

Ùi Tē-ga̍k ià-siān si-pan lâi ê oàn-thàn siaⁿ,

Chhap-chhap chò chi̍t-ê, sú lâng bê-he̍k,

Lóng lâi pang góa ê lêng-hûn khòng-sò͘,

In-ūi góa ê thiàⁿ su-iàu sin-sek ê koa-siaⁿ.

Bô-hô-hâi ê hôe-siaⁿ bē tī Tagus Hô kún-tāng ê ūi, 

a̍h kan-á chhiū móa-móa ê Betis hô-hōaⁿ thiaⁿ-tio̍h;

Góa ê ai-oàn boeh kóng ǹg chio̍h-thâu a̍h chhim tōng,

Boeh kō͘ bô sèⁿ-miā ê chi̍h kō͘ oa̍h-thiàu ê ōe-gí;

A̍h tī iu-àm ê soaⁿ-kok a̍h tī ko͘-to̍k ê hái-hōaⁿ,

Hia bô lâng ê kha-jiah, mā bô ji̍t-kng chiò kàu;

A̍h tī ho͘-khip to̍k-khì ê koài-bu̍t tīn tiong-kan,

He sī khò bān-bān lâu ê Nile Hô só͘ chhī-oa̍h.

In-ūi, sui-bóng ko͘-choa̍t iâu-oán

Góa pi-siong ê phòa-le̍h hôe-siaⁿ hiáng-khí

Lí ê bû-pí chân-khok, góa ê pi-chhám miā-ūn

Chiong chhōa in kàu kui-ê khòng-khoah sè-kài.

Biáu-sī thâi-sí lâng, á nāi-sim sí

Tī hoâi-gî, m̄-koán chin a̍h ké;

Iá ba̍k-chhiah ê le̍k-liōng kiaⁿ-tó lâng;

Kú-tn̂g hun-lī hō͘ sèⁿ-miā khang-hi;

Bô hēng-hok hi-bāng ē-tit an-tah

Chóng-sī kiaⁿ hông bē-kì-tit ê lâng;

Sí-bông, lân-bián, tán tī thiaⁿ-tn̂g.

Tān góa, kài sîn-kî, iáu oa̍h-leh chò

Hun-lī, ba̍k-chhiah, biáu-sī ê la̍h-bu̍t;

Siū hoâi-gî ná tek-khak án-ne chiat-bôa;

Pī bē-kì-tit, to̍k-chū thun-lún hóe-iām.

Án-ne siū-khó͘ ê sî, bô chi̍t si-si-á

Hi-bāng lâi siau-kái góa ê ut-chut;

Góa mā bô tī choa̍t-bōng chhōe he;

Kam-goān khîⁿ-tiâu bô-kiù ê pi-ai,

Éng-oán hòng-khì it-chhè hi-bāng.

Kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ ê só͘-chāi kám ū hi-bāng? a̍h sī

Tī kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ koh-khah khak-tēng ê sî?

Góa kám tio̍h tùi ba̍k-chhiah tèⁿ m̄-chai,

Sīm-chì siong-sim chi̍t-chheng pái?

Siáng bē sán-seng bô sìn-jīm,

Khòaⁿ biáu-sī hiàn-sin, ah -- khó͘ piàn! --

It-chhè ê hoâi-gî piàn khak-si̍t,

Tong-chho͘ ê chin-si̍t piàn chà-khi?

Oh, ài-chêng ông-kok ê po̍k-kun,

Oh, Ba̍k-chhiah! liān góa siang-chhiú,

Koh kō͘ tōa-soh pa̍k sin-khu, Biáu-sī.

Tān, khó-liân ê góa! chiàn-iâⁿ it-chhè,

Thòng-khó͘ im-kòe tùi lí ê kì-tî.

Taⁿ góa sí, kì-jiân bô hi-bāng

Tit-tio̍h hēng-hok, seⁿ a̍h sí,

Hoàn-sióng góa iáu bô pàng.

Góa boeh kóng, khiáu ê lâng gâu ài,

Siōng chū-iû ê lêng-hûn sok-pa̍k tī

Kó͘-chá po̍k-kun Ài-sîn ê khún-soh.

Góa boeh kóng, sī góa tùi-te̍k ê yi

Tī bí-lē sin-khu ū pêⁿ súi ê lêng-hûn,

Á yi ê léng-khok sī góa só͘ eng-tit,

Kō͘ tòa hō͘ góa ê thòng-khó͘

Ài-sîn khin-jiû thóng-tī i ê ông-kok.

Chū án-ne, phiàn ka-tī, siū sok-pa̍k,

Thoa-bôa sèⁿ-miā ê khùi-si

In-ūi siū-tio̍h yi ê biáu-sī só͘-tì,

Góa kā hûn liân sin kau hō͘ hong,

Bô koh kià-bāng hēng-hok ông-koan.

Lí ê put-kong put-gī thê-kiong lí-iû

Hō͘ góa hòng-khì thó-ià ê phî-lô sèⁿ-miā,

Khòaⁿ che siū-siong ê heng-khám lí tō chai

Góa gōa-nī kam-goān ūi lí hi-seng,

Mài ūi góa ê sí lâu ba̍k-sái, sīm-chì chi̍t-tih,

Cha̍h-tio̍h lí bêng-liāng ba̍k-chiu ê chheng-thiⁿ;

Lí hāi góa ê sim chiâⁿ-chò lí ê la̍h-bu̍t, 

Che góa bô iau-kiû lí jīm-hô sio̍k-chōe;

Tian-tò ài lí hō͘ chhiò-siaⁿ khin-khoài hiáng-khí,

Chèng-bêng góa ê sí sī lí ê sèng-lī.

Gōng-tai góa chiah kiò lí án-ne! góa chai

Lí ê êng-iāu lâi chū góa bô tio̍h-sî ê sí.

Sî-chūn kàu ah; ùi Tē-ga̍k ê chhim-kheⁿ

Lâi ah chhùi-ta ê Tantalus, lâi ah Sisyphus

Giâ-khí chân-jím ê chio̍h-thâu, lâi ah Tityus 

Tòe thuh-eng, kap ta̍h hóe-lián ê Ixion lâi ah,

Thoa-bôa bô-thêng ê chiòng chí-mōe lâi ah;

Lóng kā thòng-khó͘ sóa kàu góa ê heng-khám,

Jî-chhiáⁿ (ká-sú choa̍t-bōng su-iàu che chàn-lé)

Kō͘ siōng chhim-tîm ê im-tiāu chhiùⁿ ai-koa

Ūi chi̍t-khū bô ta̍t-tit khàm-si-pò͘ ê sí-thé.

Hō͘ tōa-mn̂g ê saⁿ-thâu siú-hō͘ siù,

Í-ki̍p só͘-ū ê tē-ga̍k koài-bu̍t āu-tāi,

Ka-ji̍p che pi-ai ê im-ga̍k hōe: sí--khì ê loân-jîn

Góa siūⁿ bô koh-khah sek-ha̍p ê chòng-lé.

Choa̍t-bōng ê ai-koa, bián koh pi-siong

Tán lí kiâⁿ-khui chit-lia̍p pi-ai ê sim:

Góa ê thòng-khó͘ tòa hó-uūⁿ hō͘ lí ê sū-gia̍p ;

Jiân-āu kóaⁿ-cháu pi-siong, sīm-chì tī bōng-lāi.

--

14. 死去看羊仔 ê 絕望詩, 以及其他意外事件

14.1 Chrysostom ê 哀歌

既然你 ê 殘忍愛欲

你 he 暴烈 ê 無情

傳遍人人, ta̍k 所在,

Tī che 地獄我 tio̍h 迫使

破碎 ê 心肝發聲

講出痛苦 ê 心聲.

我盡力講明一切

我受 ê 艱苦, he 是你所做,

喝出可怕 ê 聲, 連帶

破碎 ê 腹內, 更加疼.

聽, che 毋是美妙和聲,

是絕望滾絞 ê 噪耳聲,

出自痛苦 ê 心肝, 

Án-ne 安慰 ka-tī, án-ne hō͘ 你聽.

獅 ê 吼聲, 野狼 ê kho͘ 聲,

毒蛇 ê 可怕 siù-siù 聲,

無名怪物 ê 驚人哭聲,

烏鴉 ê 歹吉兆啼聲, 風 kap

無停海湧捙拚 ê kīn-kōng 叫,

觸敗牛犅 ê 憤怒聲,

失伴斑鴿 ê 悲哀啼叫,

受怨妒貓頭鳥 ê 悲調,

Ùi 地獄厭僐詩班來 ê 怨嘆聲,

Chhap-chhap 做一个, 使人迷惑,

Lóng 來幫我 ê 靈魂控訴,

因為我 ê 疼需要新式 ê 歌聲.

無和諧 ê 回聲袂 tī Tagus 河滾動 ê 位, 

a̍h 橄仔樹滿滿 ê Betis 河岸聽著;

我 ê 哀怨欲講 ǹg 石頭 a̍h 深洞,

欲 kō͘ 無性命 ê 舌 kō͘ 活跳 ê 話語;

A̍h tī 幽暗 ê 山谷 a̍h tī 孤獨 ê 海岸,

Hia 無人 ê 跤跡, mā 無日光照到;

A̍h tī 呼吸毒氣 ê 怪物陣中間,

He 是靠慢慢流 ê Nile 河所飼活.

因為, 雖罔孤絕遙遠

我悲傷 ê 破 le̍h 回聲響起

你 ê 無比殘酷, 我 ê 悲慘命運

將𤆬 in 到規个曠闊世界.

藐視刣死人, á 耐心死

Tī 懷疑, 毋管真 a̍h 假;

Iá 目赤 ê 力量驚倒人;

久長分離 hō͘ 性命空虛;

無幸福希望會得安搭

總是驚 hông 袂記得 ê 人;

死亡, 難免, 等 tī 廳堂.

但我, kài 神奇, 猶活 leh 做

分離, 目赤, 藐視 ê 獵物;

受懷疑 ná 的確 án-ne 折磨;

被袂記得, 獨自吞忍火焰.

Án-ne 受苦 ê 時, 無 chi̍t si-si-á

希望來消解我 ê 鬱卒;

我 mā 無 tī 絕望揣 he;

甘願 khîⁿ 牢無救 ê 悲哀,

永遠放棄一切希望.

驚惶 ê 所在 kám 有希望? A̍h 是

Tī 驚惶 koh-khah 確定 ê 時?

我 kám 著 tùi 目赤 tèⁿ 毋知,

甚至傷心一千擺?

Siáng 袂產生無信任,

看藐視現身, ah -- 苦變! --

一切 ê 懷疑變確實,

當初 ê 真實變詐欺?

Oh, 愛情王國 ê 暴君,

Oh, 目赤! 鍊我雙手,

Koh kō͘ 大索縛身軀, 藐視.

但, 可憐 ê 我! 戰贏一切,

痛苦淹過 tùi 你 ê 記持.

今我死, 既然無希望

得著幸福, 生 a̍h 死,

幻想我猶無放.

我欲講, 巧 ê 人 gâu 愛,

上自由 ê 靈魂束縛 tī

古早暴君愛神 ê 捆索.

我欲講, 是我對敵 ê 她

Tī 美麗身軀有平媠 ê 靈魂,

Á 她 ê 冷酷是我所應得,

Kō͘ 帶 hō͘ 我 ê 痛苦

愛神輕柔統治伊 ê 王國.

自 án-ne, 騙 ka-tī, 受束縛,

拖磨性命 ê 氣絲

因為受著她 ê 藐視所致,

我 kā 魂連身交 hō͘ 風,

無 koh 寄望幸福王冠.

你 ê 不公不義提供理由

 hō͘ 我放棄討厭 ê 疲勞性命,

看 che 受傷 ê 胸坎你 tō 知

我 gōa-nī 甘願為你犧牲,

莫為我 ê 死流目屎, 甚至一滴,

閘著你明亮目睭 ê 清天;

你害我 ê 心成做你 ê 獵物,

Che 我無要求你任何贖罪;

顛倒愛你 hō͘ 笑聲輕快響起,

證明我 ê 死是你 ê 勝利.

戇呆我才叫你 án-ne! 我知

你 ê 榮耀來自我無著時 ê 死.

時陣到 ah; ùi 地獄 ê 深坑

來 ah 喙焦 ê Tantalus, 來 ah Sisyphus

夯起殘忍 ê 石頭, 來 ah Tityus 

綴禿鷹, kap 踏火輪 ê Ixion 來 ah,

拖磨無停 ê 眾姊妹來 ah;

Lóng kā 痛苦徙到我 ê 胸坎,

而且 (假使絕望需要 che 讚禮)

Kō͘ 上深沉 ê 音調唱哀歌

為一具無值得崁屍布 ê 死體.

Hō͘ 大門 ê 三頭守護獸,

以及所有 ê 地獄怪物後代,

加入 che 悲哀 ê 音樂會: 死去 ê 戀人

我想無 koh-khah 適合 ê 葬禮.

絕望 ê 哀歌, 免 koh 悲傷,

等你行開 Chit 粒悲哀 ê 心:

我 ê 痛苦帶好運 hō͘ 你 ê 事業;

然後趕走悲傷, 甚至 tī 墓內.

--

CHAPTER XIV.

WHEREIN ARE INSERTED THE DESPAIRING VERSES OF THE DEAD SHEPHERD, TOGETHER WITH OTHER INCIDENTS NOT LOOKED FOR

c14a.jpg (172K)

14.1

THE LAY OF CHRYSOSTOM

Since thou dost in thy cruelty desire

The ruthless rigour of thy tyranny

From tongue to tongue, from land to land proclaimed,

The very Hell will I constrain to lend

This stricken breast of mine deep notes of woe

To serve my need of fitting utterance.

And as I strive to body forth the tale

Of all I suffer, all that thou hast done,

Forth shall the dread voice roll, and bear along

Shreds from my vitals torn for greater pain.

Then listen, not to dulcet harmony,

But to a discord wrung by mad despair

Out of this bosom’s depths of bitterness,

To ease my heart and plant a sting in thine.

The lion’s roar, the fierce wolf’s savage howl,

The horrid hissing of the scaly snake,

The awesome cries of monsters yet unnamed,

The crow’s ill-boding croak, the hollow moan

Of wild winds wrestling with the restless sea,

The wrathful bellow of the vanquished bull,

The plaintive sobbing of the widowed dove,

The envied owl’s sad note, the wail of woe

That rises from the dreary choir of Hell,

Commingled in one sound, confusing sense,

Let all these come to aid my soul’s complaint,

For pain like mine demands new modes of song.

No echoes of that discord shall be heard

Where Father Tagus rolls, or on the banks

Of olive-bordered Betis; to the rocks

Or in deep caverns shall my plaint be told,

And by a lifeless tongue in living words;

Or in dark valleys or on lonely shores,

Where neither foot of man nor sunbeam falls;

Or in among the poison-breathing swarms

Of monsters nourished by the sluggish Nile.

For, though it be to solitudes remote

The hoarse vague echoes of my sorrows sound

Thy matchless cruelty, my dismal fate

Shall carry them to all the spacious world.

Disdain hath power to kill, and patience dies

Slain by suspicion, be it false or true;

And deadly is the force of jealousy;

Long absence makes of life a dreary void;

No hope of happiness can give repose

To him that ever fears to be forgot;

And death, inevitable, waits in hall.

But I, by some strange miracle, live on

A prey to absence, jealousy, disdain;

Racked by suspicion as by certainty;

Forgotten, left to feed my flame alone.

And while I suffer thus, there comes no ray

Of hope to gladden me athwart the gloom;

Nor do I look for it in my despair;

But rather clinging to a cureless woe,

All hope do I abjure for evermore.

Can there be hope where fear is? Were it well,

When far more certain are the grounds of fear?

Ought I to shut mine eyes to jealousy,

If through a thousand heart-wounds it appears?

Who would not give free access to distrust,

Seeing disdain unveiled, and—bitter change!—

All his suspicions turned to certainties,

And the fair truth transformed into a lie?

Oh, thou fierce tyrant of the realms of love,

Oh, Jealousy! put chains upon these hands,

And bind me with thy strongest cord, Disdain.

But, woe is me! triumphant over all,

My sufferings drown the memory of you.

And now I die, and since there is no hope

Of happiness for me in life or death,

Still to my fantasy I’ll fondly cling.

I’ll say that he is wise who loveth well,

And that the soul most free is that most bound

In thraldom to the ancient tyrant Love.

I’ll say that she who is mine enemy

In that fair body hath as fair a mind,

And that her coldness is but my desert,

And that by virtue of the pain he sends

Love rules his kingdom with a gentle sway.

Thus, self-deluding, and in bondage sore,

And wearing out the wretched shred of life

To which I am reduced by her disdain,

I’ll give this soul and body to the winds,

All hopeless of a crown of bliss in store.

Thou whose injustice hath supplied the cause

That makes me quit the weary life I loathe,

As by this wounded bosom thou canst see

How willingly thy victim I become,

Let not my death, if haply worth a tear,

Cloud the clear heaven that dwells in thy bright eyes;

I would not have thee expiate in aught

The crime of having made my heart thy prey;

But rather let thy laughter gaily ring

And prove my death to be thy festival.

Fool that I am to bid thee! well I know

Thy glory gains by my untimely end.

And now it is the time; from Hell’s abyss

Come thirsting Tantalus, come Sisyphus

Heaving the cruel stone, come Tityus

With vulture, and with wheel Ixion come,

And come the sisters of the ceaseless toil;

And all into this breast transfer their pains,

And (if such tribute to despair be due)

Chant in their deepest tones a doleful dirge

Over a corse unworthy of a shroud.

Let the three-headed guardian of the gate,

And all the monstrous progeny of hell,

The doleful concert join: a lover dead

Methinks can have no fitter obsequies.

Lay of despair, grieve not when thou art gone

Forth from this sorrowing heart: my misery

Brings fortune to the cause that gave thee birth;

Then banish sadness even in the tomb.

--