27.8 Góa ē tui-kiû húi-bia̍t, boán-chiok yi ê goān-bōng
"Chhùi ná liām, sim ná gêng, góa án-ne thàu-mê kiâⁿ hiòng chêng, thiⁿ-kng ê sî lâi kàu chi̍t-ê soaⁿ-koan, koh tī hit-tah ê soaⁿ-khu ô͘-loān se̍h 3-kang, kiâⁿ kàu m̄-chai sī soaⁿ-khu tó chi̍t kak-sì ê chháu-pêⁿ. Tī hia, góa mn̄g chi̍t-kóa kò͘-iûⁿ-á, soaⁿ-me̍h siōng kiā ê só͘-chāi tī tó chi̍t hong-hiòng. In kā góa kóng, tio̍h óng chia lâi, góa chek-sî oat hiòng chia lâi, siūⁿ boeh tī chia kiat-sok góa ê sèⁿ-miā. M̄-koh, tng góa kiâⁿ tī che kiā-phiâⁿ ê sî, góa ê lô-á in-ūi thiám koh iau, soah siak sí. Góa siūⁿ koh-khah khó-lêng ê sī, i siūⁿ boeh kái-thoat phāiⁿ góa chit-chióng bô kè-ta̍t ê hū-tam.
"Góa chí-hó pō͘-lián, thiám oaiⁿ-oaiⁿ, iau kho̍k-kho̍k, bô lâng pang-chō͘, mā bô siūⁿ boeh chhōe lâng pang-chō͘. Āu-lâi góa tó tī thô͘-kha, m̄-chai gōa kú, chhéⁿ lâi ê sî, í-keng bô kám-kak iau, hoat-hiān sin-piⁿ ū kúi-ê kò͘-iûⁿ-á. Bô-gî, in sī tī góa su-iàu ê sî kái-kiù góa. In kóng-khí in án-chóaⁿ hoat-hiān góa, góa án-chóaⁿ kóng chi̍t-kóa gō͘-sì-saⁿ, hián-jiân góa í-keng sit-khì lí-tì. Chū hit-sî khai-sí, góa ì-sek tio̍h, góa bô chóng-sī sim-sîn chheng-chhéⁿ, ū sî-chūn ē kám-kak chhò-loān, koh chò chē-chē siáu tāi-chì, liah-phòa ka-tī ê saⁿ, tī hong-iá tōa-siaⁿ khàu, kàn-kiāu ka-tī ê miā-ūn, bô-tāi bô-chì hoah hit-ê bô-chêng lâng ê miâ, tī ai-thàn tang-tiong ài boeh kiat-sok ka-tī ê sèⁿ-miā. Tán hôe-ho̍k ì-sek ê sî, góa kám-kak kui-sin nńg siô-siô, thiám kah bô la̍t tín-tāng.
"Góa siōng chia̍p tòa ê sī chi̍t-châng kâu-la̍t chhiū ê chhiū-khang, he tōa kah ū-kàu góa che chhi-chhám ê sin-khu. Chhiâng-chāi tī soaⁿ-khu chhut-ji̍p ê khòaⁿ-iûⁿ-á tông-chêng góa, kā chia̍h-mi̍h hō͘ góa, kā he khǹg tī lō͘-piⁿ a̍h chio̍h-thâu téng, jīn-ûi góa ē keng-kòe hia, hoat-hian he. Só͘-tì, sui-bóng góa khó-lêng sit-khì lí-tì, tān pún-lêng iáu-sī ē iau-ki, giàn chia̍h, tō khì chhōe lâi chia̍h. Kî-thaⁿ sî-chūn, tī góa chèng-siông ê sî thiaⁿ in kóng-khí, góa tī lō͘-ni̍h loān chông, sui-bóng in chin hoaⁿ-hí hō͘ góa chia̍h-mi̍h, góa chhiúⁿ-cháu in ùi chng-ni̍h boeh chah-lâi liâu-á ê chia̍h-mi̍h.
"Chū án-ne, góa tī chia tō͘ chhi-chhám ê seng-oa̍h, tán Thiⁿ-kong kă chhōa-tńg, a̍h sī hŏa bē-kì-tit Luscinda ê bí-māu kap pōe-poān, Don Fernando tùi góa só͘ chò ê siong-hāi. Thiⁿ-kong nā hō͘ góa oa̍h, koh bē-kì-tit in, góa tō ē-tàng ū khah hó ê su-khó, nā bô, góa tō kiû Thiⁿ liân-bín góa ê lêng-hûn, in-ūi góa pún-sin bô hoat-tō͘ mā bô khùi-la̍t ùi chit-ê ka-tī soán-te̍k ê khùn-kéng tháu-pàng ka-tī ê sin-khu.
"Sian-siⁿ, che tō sī góa put-hēng ê kò͘-sū. Lín kóng khòaⁿ-māi, góa lo̍k-phek kah án-ne, che kò͘-sū kám ū khó-lêng bē kám-siong? Lín m̄-bián hùi-sim khǹg góa a̍h pek góa, kóng án-chóaⁿ chò khó-lêng ē-tit kái-tî thòng-khó͘. In-ūi he tùi góa, khó-pí sī bêng-i khui ê io̍h-hng tùi m̄-khéng chia̍h-io̍h ê pēⁿ-lâng kāng-khoán. Bô Luscinda, góa bô boeh hôe-ho̍k kiān-khong. Kì-jiân yi kam-goān tòe pa̍t-lâng, sui-bóng yi goân-pún a̍h eng-kai sī góa ê, góa mā kam-goān jím-siū che thòng-khó͘, sui-bóng goân-pún góa khó-lêng ū hēng-hok.
"Yi piàn-sim, ài-boeh góa húi-bia̍t. Góa ē tui-kiû húi-bia̍t, boán-chiok yi ê goān-bōng. Hō͘ kúi-tē-lâng khòaⁿ-tio̍h, pa̍t-lâng tī put-hēng ê sî chē-chē ê mi̍h, kan-ta góa bô, in-ūi tùi in lâi kóng, bē-tàng tit-tio̍h an-ùi pún-sin tō sī chi̍t-chióng an-ùi, tān tùi góa lâi kóng, che sī koh-khah tōa ê pi-siong kap thòng-khó͘ ê in-toaⁿ, in-ūi góa jīn-ûi, sīm-chì sí-khì che mā bē kiat-sok."
Kàu chia, Cardenio kiat-sok i he tn̂g ló-ló ê kò͘-sū, móa-móa ê put-hēng, mā móa-móa ê ài-chêng. Sîn-hū tú boeh kóng kóa ōe an-ùi i, tān sûi ū chi̍t-ê siaⁿ-im thoân kàu i hīⁿ-khang. He ut-chut ê ōe-siaⁿ tī chit-ê kò͘-sū ê Tē-4 Phiⁿ chiah lâi kóng, in-ūi tī chit-ê sî-tiám, gâu koh khiáu ê le̍k-sú ha̍k-ka Cid Hamete Benengeli kā Tē-3 Phiⁿ chò chi̍t-ê kiat-sok.
(2024-5-31)
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27.8 我 ē 追求毀滅, 滿足她 ê 願望
"喙 ná 念, 心 ná 凝, 我 án-ne 透暝行向前, 天光 ê 時來到一个山關, koh tī 彼搭 ê 山區胡亂踅 3 工, 行到毋知是山區佗一角勢 ê 草坪. Tī hia, 我問一寡顧羊仔, 山脈上崎 ê 所在 tī 佗一方向. In kā 我講, 著往 chia 來, 我即時斡向 chia 來, 想欲 tī chia 結束我 ê 性命. M̄-koh, tng 我行 tī che 崎坪 ê 時, 我 ê 騾仔因為忝 koh 枵, soah 摔死. 我想 koh-khah 可能 ê 是, 伊想欲解脫揹我這種無價值 ê 負擔.
"我只好步輦, 忝 oaiⁿ-oaiⁿ, 枵 kho̍k-kho̍k, 無人幫助, mā 無想欲揣人幫助. 後來我倒 tī 塗跤, 毋知偌久, 醒來 ê 時, 已經無感覺枵, 發現身邊有幾个顧羊仔. 無疑, in 是 tī 我需要 ê 時解救我. In 講起 in 按怎發現我, 我按怎講一寡五四三, 顯然我已經失去理智. 自彼時開始, 我意識著, 我無總是心神清醒, 有時陣 ē 感覺錯亂, koh 做濟濟痟代誌, 裂破 ka-tī ê 衫, tī 荒野大聲哭, kàn-kiāu ka-tī ê 命運, 無代無誌喝彼个無情人 ê 名, tī 哀嘆當中愛欲結束 ka-tī ê 性命. 等回復意識 ê 時, 我感覺規身軟 siô-siô, 忝 kah 無力振動.
"我上捷蹛 ê 是一叢猴栗樹 ê 樹空, he 大 kah 有夠我 che 悽慘 ê 身軀. 常在 tī 山區出入 ê 看羊仔同情我, kā chia̍h-mi̍h hō͘ 我, kā he 囥 tī 路邊 a̍h 石頭頂, 認為我 ē 經過 hia, 發現 he. 所致, 雖罔我可能失去理智, 但本能猶是 ē 枵飢, 癮食, tō 去揣來食. 其他時陣, tī 我正常 ê 時聽 in 講起, 我 tī 路 ni̍h 亂傱, 雖罔 in 真歡喜 hō͘ 我 chia̍h-mi̍h, 我搶走 in ùi 庄ni̍h 欲扎來寮仔 ê chia̍h-mi̍h.
"自 án-ne, 我 tī chia 度悽慘 ê 生活, 等天公 kă 𤆬轉, a̍h 是 hŏa 袂記得 Luscinda ê 美貌 kap 背叛, Don Fernando tùi 我所做 ê 傷害. 天公若 hō͘ 我活, koh 袂記得 in, 我 tō 會當有 khah 好 ê 思考, 若無, 我 tō 求天憐憫我 ê 靈魂, 因為我本身無法度 mā 無氣力 ùi 這个 ka-tī 選擇 ê 困境敨放 ka-tī ê 身軀.
"先生, che tō 是我不幸 ê 故事. 恁講看覓, 我落魄 kah án-ne, che 故事 kám 有可能袂感傷? 恁毋免費心勸我 a̍h 迫我, 講按怎做可能 ē-tit 解除痛苦. 因為 he tùi 我, 可比是名醫開 ê 藥方 tùi 毋肯食藥 ê 病人仝款. 無 Luscinda, 我無欲回復健康. 既然她甘願綴別人, 雖罔她原本 a̍h 應該是我 ê, 我 mā 甘願忍受 che 痛苦, 雖罔原本我可能有幸福.
"她變心, 愛欲我毀滅. 我 ē 追求毀滅, 滿足她 ê 願望. hō͘ 幾代人看著, 別人 tī 不幸 ê 時濟濟 ê mi̍h, kan-ta 我無, 因為 tùi in 來講, bē-tàng 得著安慰本身 tō 是一種安慰, 但 tùi 我來講, che 是 koh-khah 大 ê 悲傷 kap 痛苦 ê 因端, 因為我認為, 甚至死去 che mā 袂結束."
到 chia, Cardenio 結束伊 he 長 ló-ló ê 故事, 滿滿 ê 不幸, mā 滿滿 ê 愛情. 神父拄欲講寡話安慰伊, 但隨有一个聲音傳到伊耳空. He 鬱卒 ê 話聲 tī 這个故事 ê 第 4 篇才來講, 因為 tī 這个時點, gâu koh 巧 ê 歷史學家 Cid Hamete Benengeli kā 第 3 篇做一个結束.
(2024-5-31)
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27.8
“Thus soliloquising and agitated, I journeyed onward for the remainder of the night, and by daybreak I reached one of the passes of these mountains, among which I wandered for three days more without taking any path or road, until I came to some meadows lying on I know not which side of the mountains, and there I inquired of some herdsmen in what direction the most rugged part of the range lay. They told me that it was in this quarter, and I at once directed my course hither, intending to end my life here; but as I was making my way among these crags, my mule dropped dead through fatigue and hunger, or, as I think more likely, in order to have done with such a worthless burden as it bore in me. /
I was left on foot, worn out, famishing, without anyone to help me or any thought of seeking help: and so thus I lay stretched on the ground, how long I know not, after which I rose up free from hunger, and found beside me some goatherds, who no doubt were the persons who had relieved me in my need, for they told me how they had found me, and how I had been uttering ravings that showed plainly I had lost my reason; and since then I am conscious that I am not always in full possession of it, but at times so deranged and crazed that I do a thousand mad things, tearing my clothes, crying aloud in these solitudes, cursing my fate, and idly calling on the dear name of her who is my enemy, and only seeking to end my life in lamentation; and when I recover my senses I find myself so exhausted and weary that I can scarcely move. /
Most commonly my dwelling is the hollow of a cork tree large enough to shelter this miserable body; the herdsmen and goatherds who frequent these mountains, moved by compassion, furnish me with food, leaving it by the wayside or on the rocks, where they think I may perhaps pass and find it; and so, even though I may be then out of my senses, the wants of nature teach me what is required to sustain me, and make me crave it and eager to take it. At other times, so they tell me when they find me in a rational mood, I sally out upon the road, and though they would gladly give it me, I snatch food by force from the shepherds bringing it from the village to their huts. /
Thus do pass the wretched life that remains to me, until it be Heaven’s will to bring it to a close, or so to order my memory that I no longer recollect the beauty and treachery of Luscinda, or the wrong done me by Don Fernando; for if it will do this without depriving me of life, I will turn my thoughts into some better channel; if not, I can only implore it to have full mercy on my soul, for in myself I feel no power or strength to release my body from this strait in which I have of my own accord chosen to place it.
“Such, sirs, is the dismal story of my misfortune: say if it be one that can be told with less emotion than you have seen in me; and do not trouble yourselves with urging or pressing upon me what reason suggests as likely to serve for my relief, for it will avail me as much as the medicine prescribed by a wise physician avails the sick man who will not take it. I have no wish for health without Luscinda; and since it is her pleasure to be another’s, when she is or should be mine, let it be mine to be a prey to misery when I might have enjoyed happiness. /
She by her fickleness strove to make my ruin irretrievable; I will strive to gratify her wishes by seeking destruction; and it will show generations to come that I alone was deprived of that of which all others in misfortune have a superabundance, for to them the impossibility of being consoled is itself a consolation, while to me it is the cause of greater sorrows and sufferings, for I think that even in death there will not be an end of them.”
Here Cardenio brought to a close his long discourse and story, as full of misfortune as it was of love; but just as the curate was going to address some words of comfort to him, he was stopped by a voice that reached his ear, saying in melancholy tones what will be told in the Fourth Part of this narrative; for at this point the sage and sagacious historian, Cid Hamete Benengeli, brought the Third to a conclusion.
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